“You Should Have Said Something”


This one may sting a little, but I feel like it needs to be said. #sorrynotsorry

you should have said something

Many times when I have reached my breaking point, and I can no longer handle the daily load without exploding, I am met with this sentence: “You should have said something!

Sometimes my friends help me unload a little, but many times it is my well-meaning husband on the other end of his wife completely losing her stuff….if you know what I mean.

Let me be clear:

This is not a woe-is-me-blog, nor is it a husband bashing blog.

Let’s just get a little real for a moment – A lot of moms take on the brunt of the mental {i.e. emotional} and physical load in the house: We plan the meals, the budget, the date nights, we plan the vacations, manage the the kid’s sports schedules, we take meals to others, we plan birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. In the midst of all of this, if you are a working mom then you also do your job daily, then come home to your other job {just being mom – ha!} that is never ending. You know the other part: the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and keeping humans and pets alive ALL DAY, ER’RY DAY, Y’ALL

I mean, cleaning the kitchen is a never-ending job! {If Willy Wonka ever perfects that whole  Meal-in-a-piece-of-gum idea, SIGN ME UP!}

And then, eventually, even if you are lucky enough to have an amazing self-care plan, all of this every day stuff just becomes overwhelming.

Like, I just can’t take another load of clothes or sink full of dishes. I literally cannot handle the 8 millionth “MOM!!” of the day and I may or may not lose my mind if I am touched or pulled at one more time today!

And then I see a stray sock and that’s it. I CANNOT HANDLE IT.

This is normally where I end up losing my cool and/or just breaking down into tears – much to my husband’s dismay – and I launch into ALLLL the things I have on my brain and ALLLL the things I haven’t been able to accomplish.  

And then I am met with the sentence…..

”You should have said something.” 

And this may just be me, I don’t know, but this makes me insane! 

Maybe it is because my love language is Acts of Service. I mean, I understand that if I ask my husband to take out the trash that eventually it will get done. Or if I ask him to PLEASE clean the kitchen after dinner, he will begrudgingly do it.

But that is not the help I want or need.

Dear Husbands of the World:  If all this sounds familiar, let me help you out: the help that we want and NEED is for you to be observant and to recognize things that need to be done BEFORE we become overwhelmed.

The next time you go to the trash can and push it down to fit that extra item – for the 3rd time – please, for the love, realize that it needs to be taken out and JUST DO IT. I promise that when your wife goes to the trash can the next time {with the expectation that she is going to have to take out the trash} and she finds an empty fresh bag…alllll the praise hands….. she is going to notice and she will be grateful. The next time you finish dinner with the fam and see all the dishes piling up in the sink…. just start doing them. And if she tries to object, I promise you some sort of mom-guilt is trying to override her brain and tell her that it is bad that someone else is doing the dishes. Do not allow that to happen! Lovingly assure her this is being done because YOU ARE A TEAM. Offer her a glass of wine and let her sit and watch your handsome self do the dishes. I promise it will be worth your while. 

While all of these things seem pretty simple, and perhaps a little obvious, it really is the little things. Those small things that are done without us asking, or without us having to become so overwhelmed in the first place that will mean the most.

Before some of you start commenting, please know that I’m not putting all of this burden on the men – AND this can go both ways – there are some pretty incredible hubby’s out there who are doing more than their fair share and they might need their beautiful wives to step it up. Regardless – we ALL owe it to our sanity, our relationships, and as examples to our children, to  “use our words” and speak up BEFORE we become overwhelmed.

And if you ever feel like it’s too much to ask of your partner, put it this way:

“Hey love, I know it’s been a long day and we both have had a crazy day, but if you could help me out here then we can relax together.”

Check in with each other and never forget that you are PARTNERS in this thing we call parenthood.

We are a team and the team can not work well if the workload is not being shared. #teamworkmakesthedreamwork