Recently when scrolling, I came across a compilation video from a show called “Ted Lasso.” I will admit, I have never actually watched the show, but the video showed scenes talking about Ted’s code word from Marriage Counseling “Oklahoma.” This was their assignment from the counselor to use when they didn’t feel the other was being honest about their feelings, and when invoked, they had to tell the “God’s honest truth.”
I IMMEDIATELY shared this with my husband…..
The thing is, while my husband and I have a good relationship. We have experienced some ROCKY years. And most of that was due to both of our communication skills. If I had to rate our skills on a scale of 1-10, I’d give us both a solid four most of the time. Maybe a little higher now that both of us realize how terribly we have communicated in the past.
About four years ago, we were heading down the road to the big D (and I don’t mean Dallas)! And it was 100 percent because we were failing to communicate with each other properly. Luckily we had family surround us with support and solid advice, and we fumbled through our terrible communication until we finally ended up on the same page. This took just a ton of time, work, and SO MUCH TALKING! We are both the type to bottle things up and give an “I’m Fine” even when we are very much not fine.
We have been MUCH better about this terrible habit after putting in all the work to keep our family together, but we still have our days.
But now that I got a 60-second free counseling session ala Ted Lasso, we have a new tool in our communication toolbox and I love it so much I wanted to share. Not only have we used “Oklahoma” but it has been pretty successful for us!
- First, because of how we learned the tool, it tends to cut the tension if we are disagreeing or upset.
- Secondly, it allows me to quickly self assess myself and be honest with myself about the answer I just gave.
Obviously, If you are going to use a Code Word with your significant other, they need to be on board and you could pick a more meaningful and/or incognito word that works best for you. (We don’t all have to be running around yelling Oklahoma at our spouses) This could also work for kids and for kids to call home and let you know they need some parental assistance (I’m not quite there in the parenting journey, but we plan to give our kids a word or phrase they can call and tell us to let us know they need to get out of a situation without it being obvious or questions asked).