If Twenty-Year-Old me knew that I was writing this she wouldn’t believe you. She’d argue and show you her underwear drawer that was 100% Thong underwear. She wouldn’t understand what could happen that would make her underwear preference change in the slightest. But today as I combed through my undies, realizing that I needed to do laundry, it hit me, all my favorites – all of those go-to pairs of underwear – are nowhere near thongs, and, in fact, the few thongs I have left are pushed so far in the back of the drawer they have not seen actual light of day in a LONG time.
While I reflected on this new truth today I realized that for a long time I thought the style of my underwear was a direct reflection of how “sexy” I was or how “skinny” I felt.
After my son was born in 2013 it took me about a year to lose the 50 pounds that I gained while pregnant. During that time I started wearing what me and my husband called SUPER granny panties. Like, for real guys, these underwear were not cute at all. My grandma might have even told me they were too much. They weren’t even that comfortable, what I realize now is that they covered me, they covered the areas of my now changed body that I didn’t like or feel comfortable in. They were a direct reflection of how I felt inside, and if I didn’t feel pretty I didn’t feel like I deserved or should want pretty underwear.
The truth is I believed the lie that only skinny and sexy women deserve pretty (or sexy) underwear like thongs.
Once I lost the baby weight from my son, and I started to feel a bit like my old self I ran out and got myself a dozen pairs of pretty thongs. I was so excited to “deserve” pretty underwear again! What I found was, I didn’t think they were very comfortable anymore, but I was going to power through cause I felt pretty again, I felt sexy! And I DESERVED these dang underwear!
Then I got pregnant with baby #2 and gained another 50lbs. Luckily I had tucked those super granny panties in the back of my drawer cause that is what I went back to. Again, I didn’t like my body so I wanted to hide it in any way possible, from the giant underwear to leggings and the baggiest shirts I could find.
I don’t know when the switch in my brain or thinking happened. I’m not sure exactly what triggered it. But sometime in 2018/2019, I realized that I did not like ANYTHING that was in my underwear drawer. Nothing made me feel good, nothing reflected how I felt about myself on the inside.
Here is the thing, in the last 7 years my body has gone through a lot. It has birthed two children, it has grown them, housed them, it has gained weight, it has lost weight, it has had too many sweets, it has eaten vegetables, it has worked out, it has laid on the couch eating chips, it has been at peace, it has been stressed out…. and so much more.
In the last couple of years, I have realized that although I do want to be healthy, and I do have a goal weight or size that I would like to be, I most importantly want to enjoy and live life while I have it – at whatever size I am at the moment.
And, I also want to feel sexy and pretty and comfortable at the same time!!! Is that too much to ask???
Thongs are just not it for me anymore, I need more material for my mom-pouch, and permma wedgies just do not make my days feel sexier. One day, frustrated about the contents of my underwear drawer, I went out determined to find SOMETHING that was both pretty, comfortable, and most importantly made me FEEL good!
I stumbled upon this brand at Walmart called Blissful Benefits by Warner’s® Women’s No Muffin Top w/ Lace Hipster. These were it!!!! They checked all of the boxes! They came with colors and designs, they had a little flirty lace, they didn’t give me giant panty lines when I wore leggings AND they are the most comfortable.
Finding good undies was only part of the equation though. I had to realize that the style of underwear I choose does not equally relate to how sexy I am. Just because at this moment I choose not to wear thongs doesn’t mean I am less than the mom who still wears thongs. And visa versa just because someone may choose to wear thongs as a mom doesn’t mean that the mom in her super granny panties is less beautiful or is not allowed to feel sexy.
The best part of humanity is our diversity, which means there is no one “right” body type or size. It also means there is no one “right” clothing style that you HAVE to choose in order to feel sexy!
For now, I have hung up the thongs. It doesn’t mean that one day I won’t want to spice things up or wear a dress that requires a thong (that second one seems less likely TBH).
But it doesn’t really make a difference anymore because I no longer believe the lie that I have to earn sexy things, or that I need to look a certain way in order to buy sexy things. I’m just choosing a more comfortable kind of sexy right now!