Warning: stone cold bummer of a story ahead…
My mother-in-law passed away last year on Christmas Eve after suffering from Alzheimer’s for a long time. She and my father-in-law had been married 53 years. To his credit, my father-in-law insisted on putting funeral arrangements aside for a day, and celebrating Christmas with his kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. In spite of our sadness, it was a good day.
A week later, on New Year’s Eve, my father-in-law, my husband and I were out in father-in-law’s RV talking about what needed to be done to get it ready to travel. My father-in-law had been caring for his wife for years, so while he missed her deeply, he was ready to just get away for a while. He was standing on a step when he suddenly fell over, stiff as a board, groaning in pain, not able to speak coherently. I called 911. Very quickly, my husband started CPR. I joined in and we took turns doing CPR until the ambulance arrived. An hour later, my father-in-law was declared deceased, victim of a heart attack.
Planning two funerals in a week is extremely difficult. For my husband and his brothers, losing both parents in a week was devastating.
As I approach the first anniversary of my in-laws’ passing, I can feel my anxiety building. I worry for my husband and his siblings. I feel deep sadness at not being able to go to PaPa and Nana’s house anymore, not only for me, but for my young son. I feel guilt at wanting to enjoy Christmas parties and celebrations.
I’m not alone. Holiday stress and anxiety are real for many people. Whether it’s due to grief, financial stress, lonliness or family strife, this time of year is filled with feelings of depression, nervousness, sadness and anger for a lot of folks.
If you’re going through an emotional time, experiencing a rough patch with your marriage or work, not getting along with your family, struggling with money or simply have the holiday blues, here are some ideas to help you survive the season.
Think about how social media makes you feel
If scrolling through Pintrest, scoping Facebook and peeping Instragram – with all of their picture perfect Thanksgiving turkeys, cute families and gorgeous Christmas trees – brings you happiness and a sense of escape from the drudgery of your day, then by all means, partake.
But, if seeing non-stop Thanksgiving and Christmas cheeriness makes you sad, angry or bitter, then put the phone down. Take a break from Insta and FB. They will still be there after the holidays are over. I promise. Spend the time you would have been online doing something else – reading a book, exercising, journaling, volunteering, praying. Whatever fills the void and helps you stay in a more positive state of mind.
Consider therapy
Talking to another person about whatever you are dealing with can be extremely beneficial. A therapist is a neutral party, will not take sides and will not judge. She will listen and allow you to vent, to say things you would never say aloud to another person. If needed, a therapist can prescribe medication as well.
For me, grief counseling was helpful after my in-laws’ passing. My husband and I supported each other, but I was also able to express my sadness privately to the counselor, without burdening my husband with trying to help me. He had enough sadness of his own.
Set limits
Don’t drink too much. Alcohol can contribute to depression.
Don’t overeat. Weight gain can contribute to depression.
Don’t overspend. Debt can contribute to depression.
Don’t over commit yourself. You can say no to party invitations or potlucks if the idea of shopping for an outfit or cooking the perfect side dish stresses you out.
For more resources and tips on coping with seasonal stress and depression, check out these links:
https://www.webmd.com/depression/holiday-depression-stress#1
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/tx/corpus-christi
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
If you’re feeling suicidal, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. You can also connect to a counselor via text through this link:
Remember, you are not alone. Holidays are hard. This time of year, do what is best for you. By the time 2020 arrives, I hope your smile is back and your heart is lighter. Peace.
