I’ve started and stopped this post so many times and I am still not quite sure how or where to start. Krystal and I, as a same sex couple, fall within a gray area of infertility. Neither of us suffer from any diagnosed fertility problem, but it is still the journey that our family has taken to grow.
We didn’t feel as though we belong to the infertility community although with each cycle it felt more like a home and experience we didn’t want. Our journey began in 2018 with our first cycle of Reciprocal IVF that was successful on the first embryo transfer. (Read about that journey here).
In 2022 we decided it was time to grow our family and decided to use one of Krystal’s frozen embryos with myself still acting as the carrier. Our embryo was transferred on April 18, 2022 and although our Beta numbers did not increase like we wanted or expected by the third beta we breathed a little easier thinking that it worked. We went for our 6 week ultrasound and discovered that the embryo had implanted late and we would need to come back in 1 week to see if the pregnancy would be viable.
Beta: is the measurement of hCG in your blood and urine (same thing that a pregnancy test looks for). Each pregnancy and each individual are different my numbers were 102 to 319 to 1576.
On May 23, 2022 we had our final ultrasound and no heartbeat was detected. We were given protocol to continue medication (PIO shots) till Thursday when we would use medication to induce a miscarriage.
Throughout our first cycle in 2018 and this cycle we were very open and public on social media about our journey through fertility and as a result also had to announce this news. Although it was probably the hardest post I ever had to write it was this that ultimately provided me with the safety, comfort, and information I was looking for to make me feel less isolated and helpless.
Miscarriage is such a taboo topic in our society there really isn’t a whole lot of information especially for pregnancy loss so early. Additionally, because we fall into such a gray area with the infertility community there also isn’t a lot of information or research that pertains to us. So from Monday to Thursday I scoured the web looking for any advice or stories of what to expect.
After people saw my post they reached out to me and offered me so much honesty about their own experiences. These were individuals that would have probably never known we were going through a failed cycle had it not been on social media. The experiences that these women shared of the raw and vulnerable moments of their lives is what made me feel safe and informed about what would happen in my own experience.
If I could give one piece of advice to anyone going through pregnancy loss. It would be to not isolate yourself. Tell your village, whatever that looks like for you. There will still be the emotional journey of loss and for me the anxiety in pregnancy after loss, but when your village steps up it makes the hard parts just a little less hard.
I also recommend finding a way to remember your loss. I had Dear Coco make a beautiful watercolor of our embryo. I have it hanging where I can see and cherish it everyday. Sometimes just knowing that he existed gives me peace.
Find previous parts of our story in the links below: