I recently attended a Book Convention in Colorado.
It was eye opening for a multitude of reasons.
Not only did I get to meet several of my favorite authors like: EL James, Tijan Meyer and Rachel Hollis, but I made a ton of new friends who were so loving and supportive! And our shared love of the written word made the experience all the more worthwhile. I watched strangers leave as friends, people give up their places in line for someone in need, and people exhibiting generosity of heart and soul.
Coming home, it struck me that EVERY situation we find ourselves in as women should reap that level of support and sprit lifting acceptance.
So, why do we constantly encounter judgment, and ridicule from the very women who should be supporting us? Why is it so hard sometimes to be happy for your sister when she succeeds, and you are still struggling?
Understanding why this happens is key to combating it. I spoke to several women – women whose opinion I greatly respect, and what we discovered is that our feelings rule our actions most of the time. If we can learn to over-ride the instinct to react negatively then we can first grow as a community and learn to Support Your Sisters.
As this topic continued to weigh heavy on my heart I just knew I needed to talk it out and share my own observations to help keep it in perspective, how not take negativity to heart and to rise above it.
Rachel Hollis said:
“The only thing YOU can control is your effort and your attitude.”
Jealousy came to mind first as a possible motive. When someone is jealous of your success why is it the first instinct of some to tear that person down? To diminish their accomplishment, success or milestone? By doing so, it makes them feel better about their own insecurities and re-directs the focus from their faults and failures. If you ever find yourself in this heavy bag of feelings, why not acknowledge that her success is admirable use it as a learning opportunity for your own personal growth? Show your support and praise your sister for a job well-done, or tell her how amazing her vacation sounds, or how happy you are that her little one potty trained in a week! Your time will come, God has a pan for you too!
Intimidation is also a factor. If someone is intimidated by your: personality, lifestyle, drive or work ethic, their instinct might be to try to negatively color other’s opinions of you, and your journey. This has a dual effect: making them feel better while bonding with someone else over a shared lack support for a sister. This is especially prominent in the work place. Have you ever encountered someone who’s reputation, skills and or personality are more desired by a supervisor or have you lost a promotion or desired project to another team-member who you felt wasn’t as good a candidate as yourself? This can easily cause dissent in the strongest of teams.
Instead of reacting negatively, why not think about what characteristics she possesses that draw such praise? Can you learn from her? We have so much to offer each other in mostly male dominated fields, sometimes people feel as if they must tarnish someone else to find a way to shine. This is never the case. Do you want to rise while stepping on your sisters? No, it’s easier to be lifted than to climb. Be your beautiful self, and support those women on your team, in that Moms Group, PTA or in the work place. When you radiate generosity of spirit and love for those around you, most of the time you will see a positive result and be blessed for it.
Remember earlier when I quoted that, “you can only control your effort and attitude”? The attitude part is important, because in the end, there will always be those who cannot be swayed by your unwavering positivity and inspiration and that’s okay. That is not a reflection on you; it mirrors them and them alone. How would you prefer to spend your day, bringing smiles to the faces of those you encounter daily or; tearing down anyone that doesn’t think, do or act the same as you? I know what I choose, and I know that I control my attitude.
So, ladies, I say to you: I choose to support you moms who work and who stay at home. I choose to admire those women who decided not to have children, and those who choose to have 11. I choose to learn from women who are smarter and more accomplished than myself and use their success as my own launch pad for learning. I choose to love those who would rather tear me down than see me succeed. And I choose to support ALL OF YOU in everything you do!
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