Back in January our kids approached us and said that they really wanted to share a room with bunk beds, and turn the extra room into their “playroom.” I was hesitant because I grew up as an only child, so the idea of my kids sharing a room when they didn’t HAVE to was foreign to me.
My kids are 27 months apart. It has been the BEST age gap in my opinion. What was hard when they were tiny, has been great the older they get. They are close enough to have similar interests and friends, but far enough apart that they always had a little separation. Especially once my son started school in 2018.
When our kids decided that they wanted to share a room I reached out to all my veteran momma friends for advice and input on siblings sharing a room. My husband seemed to be all for it and all of the advice I was getting was that it was a great time to do it.
So we found a bunk bed that a family friend was selling for a good price that matched the mattress sizes that we already had. It seemed like everything really came together so easily so I felt confident that we were doing the right thing. The day we picked up the bed we moved everything around while our son was at school and we were able to surprise him when he got home.
Most of my concerns about not sleeping and trying to play all night were put to rest when they seemed to sleep even better once they shared a room. My daughter who was notorious for getting out of bed at all hours of the night was finally staying in their room and we were all getting more sleep! WIN!!!!
Then something that no one could foresee happened, two months later, the world fell apart.
For the last five months, the kids have had little to no breaks from each other. (Aside from the odd ride in moms car alone) Then it happened, the other day I woke up and was getting my coffee as normal and I heard what I thought was crying coming from their room. I couldn’t imagine what had already happened so early to have someone crying so I went into the room and my son was in a full-blown meltdown. He was sobbing, laying in bed. When I asked him what was wrong all he could say was “I miss my old bed.”
It absolutely broke my heart and I didn’t know what to say. The original twin bed from over eight months ago is long gone. I held him for a long time and finally got him to calm down and before long he was playing like normal. When I told his dad what happened, he sat him down and we realized that he is missing his own space (aren’t we all this year!). He misses having the ability to tell his sister and us that he would like some time to be in his room alone, or going to bed at night and being alone.
I think at this point in 2020 we can all admit to having these exact same feelings.
So while we gave it our best shot sharing a room and bunk beds didn’t work for us. Maybe without the lockdown and a never-ending spring break, it could have ended differently. Or maybe this is what was going to happen all along. But for now, we will work on moving everyone and their toys back into their own spaces.
I am writing this so that you (and I both) know it is ok if you try things that seem like they are going to be perfect, and they don’t end up working out for your family. It is ok if your kids don’t do or react the same to situations that your friend’s kids do. Just because all of the advice you have gotten says that it is going to work or that it is a great thing doesn’t mean that it will always work for you or your kiddos. If you find yourself in this same situation it is ok to have to change and to make a new plan. One thing I have learned over the last year is that our kids little and big will take on the attitude you put forth, so if you can find the positives and keep it light. So will they. If you are anxious and frustrated they will feel that and will be anxious and frustrated too.
