I’m at a crossroads, an internal dilemma. I am an extremely blessed mom of 2 young boys. They, along with their daddy, are the loves of my life. But, there is one huge problem, that I don’t know if I can face head on.
It’s a problem, that if I sit here long enough, makes me want to hyperventilate or fold up into the fetal position and cry my eyes out. That problem, you ask? They are growing up before my eyes! And as much as I want to freeze time and keep them young forever I, unfortunately, was born without that superpower.
I’m sure you are thinking that I am selfish and ridiculous. And, to that I will say yes, yes I am! I want my babies to stay babies FOREVER.
If you were to ask me what a perfect life consists of, I would tell you it’s one that ALWAYS has a baby in the house. What can I say? I am a sucker for those chubby little hands and warm snuggles. But, I have to face the reality that my babies will, in fact, grow up. No one ever said I had to like it!
My 2 boys are almost 7 and 2 1/2. They, in the grand scheme of things, are still babies. They still come to me to fix boo-boos, help them with problems or to tuck them in at night. But on the flip side, they also do not need me to do every little thing for them anymore. I know I should be happy about that. I should be happy that I have 2 healthy, growing boys. But darn it! WHY does it have to happen so quickly? I mean, wasn’t it just yesterday that my water broke with my first one? And now, he’s finished 1st grade! I know, I haven’t just awoken from a 7 year long coma, but gosh, it feels like it.
I blinked and now 7 years have gone by. SEVEN!
And, my two year old? He was supposed to stay little forever because (according to my husband) he is our last. I am not able to stomach the fact that I have put away or sold lots of his toys and baby gear because he no longer needs it. Many friends with kids his age are starting to potty train. Good for them, but this mommy isn’t ready to give up diapers just yet. Yes they cost a fortune, no matter what brand you buy, but the moment my “baby” doesn’t wear diapers anymore is the same moment my “baby” isn’t a baby anymore… at least to me and my “baby” rating scale. In my mind, Diapers=Baby, simple math really! But I guess, like with all the other baby gear, the end of our diaper era is fast approaching. After all, I don’t want him to go to Kinder in a diaper. Oh my goodness, Kinder! *Tear* Why did I even have to go and put that in my head? I still have a few years for it, but that day will be here sooner than I want to even think about.
I need a paper bag, STAT. I’m about to start hyperventilating! Just breathe, Kathie, just breathe….
OK, now that I have composed myself, I can tell you I have learned (just need to work on perfecting!) a few things in this ridiculously fast paced time warp thing called motherhood.
Enjoy every moment, no matter how hard or tiring it gets.
Take the time to quiet the other stuff and listen to your kids, even if it is them asking you the same question for the millionth time!
Hold them tight and tuck them into bed.
Stay in there a little longer some nights, it is OK if you do!
Don’t let yourself think that housework or paying bills comes before them. There will always be a bill to pay or another room to clean, but our babies wont always be little.