Seasons

Earlier today I was sitting on the floor with my husband playing with our son. A simple sentence and act, right? Well, I started thinking where we were last year and what we were doing. Crazy newborn sleep schedule, working on finding a new normal, and worrying about the outcome of our son’s heart monitoring. While pregnant Wesley’s heart was monitored and checked on every few weeks due to an abnormality found during an earlier ultrasound.

There were days where I didn’t think that my husband and I would be sitting on the floor playing with our son. Or doing much of anything after the original ultrasound that caught the abnormality.

So the seemingly normal moment, to me, seemed surreal. Since then I’ve been thinking of all the things we have gotten to do and I realized that the whole, “this season will pass” thing isn’t just a quarterly or even a monthly statement. It can be daily.

As of now, several seasons have passed for us as a small family. The season of first holidays, first baths, first steps, and -for the most part- first impressions. While there can be a sense of sadness over those seasons past and a small amount of longing there’s one thing that remains:

They. Happened.

We have pictures, videos, and shared memories with our loved ones. Shared inside jokes and bonds that have only been strengthened throughout our relationships.

As the seasons change and firsts turn into one hundredths we will always have a first that will remain steadfast through the seasons. Our son. He was not the first baby that made us parents, but he’s the first baby here. The first pancake if that’s the analogy you want to roll with. No matter how good or bad anything is there will be memories of better years, time to try again, and time for self improvement and betterment.

During my pregnancy and Wesley’s first year of life I played this stressful and unnecessary game of, “What’s expected of me?”. From what Wesley should be doing milestone related, how I should look or act, how much I should or shouldn’t ask for help, and everything in-between. Several of those intrusive thoughts almost ruined those precious first seasons.

While at a relative’s home for Christmas last year there were some gifts I thought Wesley would be able to open and as it was nearing the end of his nap I wanted to put a few aside to see if he would be able to try to open them. A family member was insistent my husband and I open the gifts and while I tried to stand my ground I eventually gave in and we opened them. After a few more comments from the same family member I realized I was not going to let them dictate what I did or didn’t do. Especially in relation to not just my son, but his First Christmas. The rest of the night I made my opinion and stance known and remained steadfast.

Deciding what is important enough to stand up for is a difficult and personal decision, but it is a necessary task. Allowing yourself the time to truly soak in what is happening and how you feel is not the only thing you will remember, you will also remember those around you and how they made you feel.

So, yes. I am loud and opinionated. But, I also have things I am willing to bend on without losing my sense of peace and enjoyment for what is happening.

At the end of the day a season is coming to an end and a new one is getting ready to begin. As you work through growing pains those few constants that you’ve stood up for and relentlessly defended will attribute to the recognition of the new season and the excitement for what is to come and what will be.