This past week I traveled to Madison, Wisconsin for work. My daughter is ten months old and this was the first time I was away from her for an extended period of time. The longest I had previously spent away from her is the eight hours while I am at work and she is at daycare.
As a new mom the mom guilt hit hard when I booked my trip. I was excited for the training opportunity and to visit a new place, but I was also terrified to leave my daughter for a week even though she was in the good hands of my husband and her grandparents.
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To be honest, I probably did everything “wrong” with my first trip away from my daughter. I obsessed over preparations before leaving, I cried, I checked my phone countless times including looking over videos and pictures of my sweet girl, and my mind was largely focused on how she was doing or what she was up to. And you know what? I am totally okay with doing everything “wrong.”
Being a new mom is a crazy learning experience. While I have always wanted to be a mom more than anything else, no amount of preparation, wisdom, or advice can prepare you for all the feels motherhood brings.
This trip I spent the majority of my time missing my daughter and checking in on her. Throughout the week my days largely consisted of get up, check in on my daughter, go to training, check in on my daughter, finish the day of training, check in on my daughter, explore town a bit and eat, check in on my daughter…notice a theme?
Sure, I could have unplugged more, given myself some alone time to recharge and unwind, and spent less time agonizing over my separation. But I didn’t and that’s okay. Perhaps the next trip I will. I now know that I can manage the separation. I know that it is completely normal miss your little one no matter how far away you are.
Coming home after a long week of training and stress eating cheese curds (I was in America’s dairy land after all) was the best feeling. All the guilt and anxiety melted away when I saw her. Being away from your child for the first time is a rite of passage for all parents and there is no right or wrong way to handle that experience. After all, it is a your experience. I learned that I can let go of the guilt and that there is nothing wrong with shedding some tears. Being away is hard, but it makes those snuggles and hugs all the more special when you come home.
