This is a hard one to write.
There is nothing more sobering than that number staring up at you from the scale. A number that you haven’t seen since you were PREGNANT and getting ready to deliver your baby (and this time there is no baby).
It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize you have had a 50lb set back in the last year.
But here I am.
If you follow me on any social media you will know I have talked about working out and getting back in shape and weight loss for YEARS! If only I could go back to being where I was at 25 when I thought I was overweight.
(#sorrynotsorry – excuse me while I laugh and cry at the same time and maybe take a big ole swig of wine!)
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I gave birth to my son in 2013, and by his first birthday I was WELL on my way of losing that pesky baby weight. I maintained it for a year, and then came my sweet/not always so sweet daughter in 2015. And here I was again, baby weigh packed on! However, I got to work because we had a trip planned. Mission accomplished. Hooray me!
And ever since it has been a revolving door for this 40-50lbs.
I bust it and lose the weight and then I fall off the wagon: donuts and cupcakes start screaming my name! I start to think, “Ahhhh yeah! I’m here! I’ve made it! I can relax a little bit!” And the next thing I know, I am knee deep in sugar and fast food.
In 2018, my husband and I both decided to get into shape for our trip to NYC. Quickly followed by selling our first home and working towards buying our dream house.
The buying process was a breeze, unfortunately the selling of our home….not so much.
This is where my emotional eating started
and rolled right down hill into a valley of fries.
We were finally settling into our new home just in time for the holidays….which just spells disaster for me (and I’m guessing lots of other people seeing as it seems to be the narrative on social media during that time of the year).
I started 2019 knowing I was out of shape, hating the way I looked in pictures, and not fitting into any of my clothes. Something had to give.
I met with a nutritionist and had her calculate my MACROS (if you do not know this term please look into IIFYM and tracking your macronutrients). I have been trying to workout and eat better on my own for a few weeks now, but I have only begun tracking what I eat with a coach for the last week. I have to check in daily, keep my food log with My Fitness Pal and I have to weigh myself every morning.
Today was hard, because I haven’t seen any progress and it was just there staring me in the face. I broke down, I let it really set the tone for my whole day. I ended up sobbing to my husband, who did his duty to hug me and reassure me that it has not been enough time and that I am going to get back where I was. He offered kind words and let me cry. I really love him for that.
I don’t know what this year holds, and I don’t know how long it is going to take me this time to lose the 50lbs. But I know I want to be able to look back on this post and see how far I have come mentally and physically. I also want to throw my scale out the window! I can guarantee that I am only using it as a tool and as soon as my pants fit and I feel comfortable in my skin I will not take another look at the scale.
It is just a number and it does not tell me how strong I am or how I feel on the inside.
If you stepped on a scale today and you are sitting in your room, crying like me, wondering how you let it get this bad! I want you to know this:
You are valued…and not by the number on the scale!
If you are thinking about skipping a meal or two or three to see a different number, I want you to know that those numbers are LIARS and they can not tell you how incredibly strong you are.
If you have been hiding food and plan to eat it all later in secret, I want you to know that you are not a failure.
We can only be failures if we stop trying.
LET US NOT STOP TRYING!
