When I took my first pregnancy test I thought it was wrong.
Same with the second and third.
Then, I thought my husband would be mad.
Then, we thought his parents would be mad.
Then, my siblings and one of my best friends cried for what seemed like an hour.
Then, I hid behind my husband when we told my grandma because I didn’t want to get yelled at. (She just said, “Finally!” And hugged EJ since I sacrificed him.)
Then, we found out my due date was his grandma’s birthday and for some reason that was calming.
You see your friends go through pregnancy and it’s wonderful. Through sickness and troubles, there are the silver linings. The baby showers, getting to take people to an ultrasound, just being able to be.
Then a Pandemic hits and everything changes.
I go into event planner mode and try to move baby showers.
Then, after telling my mother-in-law she can go to the next ultrasound, suddenly visitors are no longer allowed.
Then, COVID starts affecting everything else. It’s canceled flights to visit siblings before you can’t fly anymore. It’s a canceled honeymoon. It’s appointment after appointment alone because my husband isn’t allowed in. It’s trying to remember whatever small detail that I was positive my husband and our families would probably want to know.
It turns into oversized shirts, hoodies, and leggings most days because you can’t risk leaving your house. And, honestly, you’re so depressed at times even putting on leggings is a damn victory. 100% of baby prep is now done online rather than going shopping with siblings, work, family, and friends.
Then, you’re called irrational at precautions you and your husband, as parents, want to make.
Your body, intentions, and overall self are questioned by others.
You get told you’ll have to make sure to have what you need when you check into the hospital because once you’re in, you’re in. It’s constantly having to say, “I don’t know”. About everything.
10 months ago we didn’t know this is how it would be. This isn’t something you plan for. You don’t plan on losing your first pregnancy experience. You don’t plan on losing the overall innocence of being happy, blissful, or excited. After having such a hard time with how I was feeling and trying to navigate pregnancy and a pandemic I realized something. You get to be bitter. You get to be upset about the lost memories. You get to feel validated. Anyone who says a single word otherwise is either upset and can’t articulate it or more concerned about themselves.
But, as the one who is pregnant along with your partner, you get through it. Because when you finally get an induction scheduled, your water breaks, or your c-section is scheduled it doesn’t matter anymore. You grab the hospital bag, text your family, and leave your home as a family of two for the last time.
2020 has taken a lot from people. Events, darkened milestones, normalcy, and even loved ones. But it can’t take away the sweet moments you now get to have with just you and your partner in the labor and delivery room. 2020 may have affected your pregnancy, but you get to decide how you will grow through it.
