Comparison, it’s an easy world to live in.
Social media, TV shows, parenting groups, and even going about your daily business. Those questions you ask yourself creep into your head. “Why can’t my kids act that way?” “I wish I could look that good after giving birth.” or how about this one, “Why can’t I be a mom like her?”
I have asked myself many of those questions too many times to count. The world of comparison was one that I lived in for a long time. A world I didn’t know how to escape, but I knew that if didn’t it would affect my parenting. It could affect my whole life.
Comparison is thief of joy. The joy watching your kids grow up, and the joy of being comfortable with who you are.
I can’t tell you how many times I wished that I was the morning momma who didn’t need three cups of coffee, just to get my daughter to school. Longing to have more meals made from scratch, maybe even have a garden for growing my own vegetables. I have wasted time wishing to have a spotless house, although maybe that is a personality issue. There have been countless times when I wished I could decorate a cake like a few of my friends.
To stop the comparison I had to admit to myself that I am guilty of judging myself at my worst, while I judge others at their best.
What exactly does that mean? It means that I judge my first draft to another’s final draft. Being honest with myself, I had to admit that it wasn’t a way that I wanted to live.
Therefore, I have to make the choice to daily change the way I think. I have to remind myself that I am enough, and I was exactly the mother that my daughter needed.
Oh, I am far from perfect and those pesky thoughts creep into my mind daily. But I am happy to say that I have learned a few ways to counter those thoughts.
Here is what I have learned.
- When those thoughts of comparison creep up, I have to remind myself that I am enough. I am me and there is no one like me. I am not meant to be like anyone else. This is where reminding myself of those things come in handy.
- I may not always make meals from scratch, or have my own garden, but I feed my family. Who says you can’t have a cheat day of pizza or Whataburger every now and then?
- The love in our family matters. Maybe I can’t decorate a cake for my daughter’s or husband’s birthday, but is a cake really that important?
- I am who I am. I remind myself that even my personality issue of always wanting a spotless house makes me who I am. No, my house is not spotless, but it is regularly decorated for holidays. It may look lived in most days, but there is feeling of comfort in our home. This is where I have to remind myself that that is more important that being showstopping.