Leaving My Baby to Teach Other Children: A Timeline

 5:15 a.m. : How is it already 5:15 a.m.? That 2:00 a.m. feeding is brutal; I can’t wait for this kid to start sleeping through the night.

5:45 a.m. : Fifteen minutes till my alarm goes off.

5:55 a.m. : Five minutes

5:57 a.m. : Three minutes

5:59 a.m. : One minute

6:00 a.m. : Dang it.

6:05 a.m. : Why am I going back? Who’s idea was this? Right. My bank account told me I needed to go back. It’s forgotten what money looks like.

6:15 a.m. : Can I just stay in this shower all day? It’s warm in here. And quiet. I miss quiet.

6:27 a.m. : At least I get to wear makeup again. Dodging people I know at HEB because I look like a troll is getting annoying.

6:35 a.m. : We meet again, maternity pants. This c-section scar is still crazy tender and there is no way I’m going to try to squeeze myself into my pre pregnancy professional dress pants. I don’t need that mental trauma this early in the morning. Coffee. I DO need coffee.

6:44 a.m. : What?! No coffee?! When did this happen?! I bought a new can last week! Riiiiight, this weekend’s Screamapalooza was of epic proportions. I basically had a coffee drip straight into my veins. I’ll have to get some from the community coffee pot at school. Though, I better hurry before Mr. Schaefer pours it all into his giant Stripes cup.

7:05 a.m. : Great, running late. Guess this means no breakfast.  Maybe there’s leftover Christmas candy hiding in my desk somewhere. Am I wearing two different shoes?!

7:15 a.m. : Spends ten minutes saying goodbye to the sleeping baby.

7: 27 a.m. : Ugh! Move it, slow red car! I don’t have time for your pokey shenanigans this morning! I need to beat Schaefer to the coffee!

7:40 a.m. : Whew, made it! Sure my hair is only half dry and I need a caffeine fix, but I’m here, ready to go, and totally NOT missing my baby.

7:42 a.m. : Nope. Wrong. I miss my baby.

7:48 a.m. : Yes! Thank you sweet baby Jesus, there is coffee!

8:00 a.m. : Hello kids, I’m so happy to be back! Let’s get started with some math! What? How’s the baby? Proceeds to talk about baby for the next thirty minutes.

9:00 a.m. : Spends five minutes of silent reading time staring at framed picture of baby on classroom shelf. Changes computer monitor background to a picture collage made up of the cutest baby moments. Stares at that.

9:15 a.m. : Maybe I should text the babysitter and see how they are doing. No, not yet, it’s only been a few hours. Control yourself, woman!

10:05 a.m. : OK, it’s been a respectable amount of time. Now I can text!

10:10 a.m. : No response yet. I wonder if she’s doing the 10:00 feeding.

10:13 a.m. : Still no response….

10:25 a.m. : I texted TWENTY minutes ago, she should have responded by now!

10:30 a.m. : What’s going on?! For all that is good and holy, look at your phone!!!

10:32 a.m. : What if something’s wrong? Oh God! Is the house on fire?!?! Do I call 911?!?!

10: 35 a.m. : Cool, she texted back. Everything is fine. They went for a walk and she left her phone on the table. I wonder if she bundled up the baby, it’s a chilly 75 degrees this morning. But it’s also kind of sunny, I hope she had the stroller shade lowered.

11:05 a.m. : As a diversion tactic, the kids are asking to see pictures of the baby. I guess I can show them one… or twenty…

12:15 p.m.: Lunch. Scrolls through baby pictures on phone while eating lukewarm tomato soup. I wonder if he misses me….

12:16 p.m.: Wait. What if he thinks I’ve abandoned him?! That I’m never coming back? His tiny brain can’t comprehend things, all he knows is that I’m not there! I’m a terrible mother! Why did I leave my baby?!

12:20 p.m.: Cries in the faculty restroom.

12:43 p.m. : Recess time. Good, these sunglasses will hide the tears. Geez girl, pull yourself together!

1:00 p.m. : Husband just texted to see how I’m holding up. Just going to text “fine”, he’ll know I’m lying if I sound too positive. If I text the truth, I’ll have to go cry in the restroom again.

1:10 p.m.: The kids are at P.E., I’ll text the sitter and say I’ll be on my way home at 3:15. Maybe 3:00. Who am I kidding; I’m leaving with the kids at 2:45.

2:23 p.m. : Could time be going any slower?! Seriously!

2:30 p.m. : Fifteen minutes until school’s out.

2:40 p.m. : Five minutes…

2: 42 p.m. : Three minutes…

2: 44 p.m. : One minute…

2:45 p.m. : Yes! Line up at the door, kids. Grab your lunch boxes, do your homework, and don’t forget to read! OK, bye!

2: 49 p.m. : Makes a very questionable turn out of the school parking lot and starts the drive home quickly yet responsibly.

2:56 p.m. : Move it, ugly blue car! The speed limit is 65! 6-5!

3:10 p.m. : Pulls a little too fast into the driveway, knocking over two trash cans and scaring a neighborhood cat in the process. Runs to the door at a speed that could break a world record, rips open the door Hulk style and pounces on the baby.  Oh, my sweet, adorable child! I missed you so much! I’m never leaving you again! Well, until tomorrow…