Adoption can be daunting, isolating, and heart-wrenching. I learned some very quick lessons during our adoption process. And if I could impart any tips or considerations to be made when choosing a private adoption agency it would be the following:
- Adoption is a huge business and there are some unscrupulous people out there who will do anything they can to make money.
- Go local. Find an adoption agency, and hopefully a birthmother, in your home state. Fortunately, Texas is a large state and has some wonderful not for profit agencies. This will save headaches and legal fees down the line.
- Don’t let short wait times attract you to the larger nationwide agencies. I know its appealing when someone tells you you can have a baby in 6 months time but remember it is never guaranteed.
- Ask how many clients your agency works with. One of the birthmothers we worked with was sent over 100 profiles to choose from, that’s just overwhelming.
- Inquire about how many disrupted placements the adoption agency had had in the last few years. A high percentage could mean the agency may be working with birthmothers who have little intention of placing their babies.
- Familiarize yourself with the adoption laws of your state. Some states have strict laws regarding birthmother expenses. Do not rely on your agency to inform you of these laws.
- Know how the agency recruits birthmothers. Some agencies recruit by promising birthmothers high financial reimbursement. Not only can this be dangerous territory for you, but it can also become very expensive.
- Know how the adoption agency deals with birthfathers
- Choose an agency you can build a relationship with. My advice is to choose one that does not charge you by the minute. Some agencies bill you for talking to your caseworker or for any time they write you an email or talk to your birthmother.
- Try to build a relationship with the birth family. Visits, phone calls, emails, texts, whatever they would like. Some birthmothers are apprehensive. They feel judged. They may suffer from low self esteem and wonder why you would want their child instead of someone else’s. Be their support.
- Adoption is heartbreaking. Nothing is certain. Adoptions fail and when they do you may feel as if your world is falling apart. Step back, take some time away from the constant stress of waiting for the caseworker to call with a match. Try to distract yourself.
Additional private adoption resources you may find helpful are listed below:
Texas Adoption Resource Exchange: Private Adoption Agencies
Child Welfare Information Gateway: Regulation of Private Domestic Adoption Expenses
IRS: Adoption Credit and Adoption Assistance Programs
