I’ll never claim to have all the answers about motherhood, but as someone who has experienced postpartum life twice, I have a good idea of what I wish I could have told family and friends. Here’s my list of real ways to help a postpartum mom.
- Let her know that you’re excited to meet baby and happy to help… when she’s ready.
Postpartum is messy. It’s exhausting. And there are like, a lot of bodily fluids. It’s 100% understandable if a new mom doesn’t want company or wants it on her own terms. Reach out to mom. Congratulate her, tell her you’re excited to meet baby and tell her you want to help, but do not expect an invitation.
2. Expect chaos.
If you do get an invitation, prepare to walk into a house that resembles some sort of baby Animal House. This is extra true if Mom has multiple kids. There are people passed out everywhere, bottles on the floor, and there’s a weird unidentifiable odor. Know that this is not Mom’s “normal” and it’s probably stressing her out. Except feral children who have been surviving on H-E-B apple sauce pouches and floors that have not been mopped since Mom could see her toes. She’s focused on introducing a brand new human to the world, not bleaching her baseboards.
3. Feed her.
Mom is spending every waking hour-and there are a lot of them- taking care of everyone else. Feed her. Don’t ask a postpartum mom if she wants food, she does. Ask what kind of food she wants. If she’s extended an invitation to visit, bring food. If she doesn’t want company, drop off a freezer meal or send her a gift card for a food delivery service like Favor. All in favor of making Food the 6th love language say, “Aye!”
4. Don’t ask- DO.
Don’t ask if she has anything that you can help with around the house, ask “what can I do for you?”
If you’re comfortable enough, just DO! Fold the laundry, take the trash out, do the dishes. It all piles up and these are simple tasks that take so much weight off of a new mom. We all know how hard it can be to ask for help and that initiative can really help.
5. Don’t be a baby hog.
I know how addictive newborn snuggles are, but this is not about you. Baby and mom spent 9 months, just the two of them. They are (understandably) very attached to one another. If Mom wants some time alone, hold that baby to your heart’s content, but follow Mom’s lead. Don’t know what to do with your hands? Please refer to rule #4.
5.(a) Ok, fine. Hold the baby…so mom can eat.
Babies are biologically programmed to scream as soon as their mom sits in front of a hot meal. It’s science. I think. Fine, it’s not.
Mom has probably not eaten a meal without nursing a baby, changing a diaper, or chasing a toddler in days. Give her 10 minutes to feed herself. She will thank you.
Being a new mom is hard. Like, HARD hard. These few simple guidelines can help make her life so much easier- and, in a time when she is thinking of everyone else, it’s important to think of the postpartum mom too.
