Friends Tiffany and Liz 2015
I am thirty-one years old, but sometimes I forget that fact until I stare into my reflection in the mirror after a particular trying day. I have a top knot, cliche yoga pants because, yes, I am a mom that craves comfort over jeans that make my butt “pop,” and I have streaks of grey hair that come in at various occasions until they are put into submission by my hair dye. I am in the time of my life where friendships have come and gone, relationships have too, and the majority of my time is spent with family coworkers, and a select number of women because besides being a mom, I am a hard-worker who likes to also let off some steam every now and then. I am in a new season of life, and my tribes have figured that out. No longer am I looking towards my “tribe” of friends that relish partying over quiet evenings of wine and conversation, and now I am looking steadily for that tribe of friends that are fun, but also ambitious. This hasn’t always been the case though, but I guess that is what it means to grow up?
Finding tribes at the right season of life is so dang hard.
One day you are barely making it out alive of high school, to attending college, to pursuing your dreams with deep dedication, to marriage, parenthood, etc. Each of us are different and enter these stages at different times of life or don’t enter those phases at all, and because of that fact there are times that friends come in and then go out. Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine who is an expectant mother. Her and I went to university together and had stayed in touch on and off since we graduated. She and I had countless stories of days on the square (if you went to Texas State University you know what that means), river raft days, concerts, Austin trips, and more. What we didn’t have though are common stories of parenthood or marriage. I was pregnant when she was entering her first year of marriage, and she still lived in Austin, while I had lived in Houston then moved back down here to Corpus Christi. A lot had changed since our days of college, and although we had kept in touch, it was really hard. It was so hard that there were years we just didn’t speak, and it wasn’t until I had accepted my current job that allowed me to travel to Austin a couple times of year that we finally reconnected. Why? It wasn’t because we didn’t like each other, in fact when we did reconnect it was like we had never stopped talking, but it was because we were in different seasons of life.
I believe that maybe life is just designed in this way for some reason unknown to us, but whatever the fact, sometimes people don’t stumble into your life when you need it, and this is when you have to start creating and finding your tribe.
Friends Tiffany and Liz 2019, Some things never change 🙂
I became a mother before the majority of my close friends. When I had my son, my whole world changed. I went from being invited to happy hours and night outs, to being conveniently left out because they didn’t want to disturb my new schedule. Maybe it was true, or maybe it was because they didn’t know if I could hang (and let me tell you I sure can), but for them, they saw me at another stage that was not relatable. They were still used to going out and being able to stay out until the bar closed down, while I had a newfound appreciation for bedtimes. So, that tribe was silently snuffed out. Did it suck? Yeah, big time, but it has been now up to me to grow my new tribe.
I will give you a little example of what I am looking for:
I am looking for friends who are open-minded, fun, and excited for life. They can be moms, but they don’t necessarily have to be, in fact I still have very close friends who were open-minded enough to know that just because I was a mom now didn’t mean I was less cool. I want friends that are ambitious as Hell, but if they are not, that’s okay too, because whatever makes you happy, makes you happy. I want friends that are not afraid to hear the bad and celebrate the good, have a lot to say, but also little when it is time to listen.
I also want to be able to reciprocate this for someone else. Making friends as a grown-up is so weird. Honestly, making friends is almost like dating. I once joined a mom group in Houston and we all chatted for three days before making the move to meet. When we did, we all jokingly said we would wear rose corsages to stand out to each other. When we met, I swear my palms were sweaty. I wouldn’t trade that experience for the world though, at least I made the initiative and I am still in contact with a few of them today. Besides, sometimes the most uncomfortable experiences bring the best surprises.
If you are entering a new season of life, don’t let it get you down. Hold your head high and know that someone else out there is going through the same thing too, because at the end of the day we are all human, and that is the biggest tribe in the world.
And, by the way: if you’re looking for some new mom friends in the Coastal Bend, be sure to follow us on Facebook – we host mom mingles and events all the time to help connect in real life! We’d love to meet you!