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The other day when I was talking to another mom about how sad I was that Jacob wasn’t able to see other people outside of myself and my husband they told me “at least he’s small enough he might not remember.” I thought about that and understand because he is only a toddler it may seem like there is an advantage to that; he’s small, his memories barely forming, maybe he won’t remember. But, a part of me thinks that maybe he will, and that part of me worries because, like any mother, my son’s well-being and how he interprets the world around him concerns me. I know the other mom, who is also a friend, meant well and was saying those words to comfort me, and I realized all moms with children at any age are just that: worried. How will their lives be after all this is said and done? Will this isolation and routine adjustment affect them mentally, physically? There are just so many questions we don’t know. One thing we do know is that we absolutely love our children and want nothing more than to protect them. So, here is a love letter to my adorable boy who has endured so much even before this; if he ever stumbles upon this blog I hope he feels how much I absolutely adored him.
To Jacob
My son, where do I begin? You are only two years old, but you have already been through so much. When you were born, you went straight from your mother’s loving arms and into the care of the NICU (worst three days of my life!) but came out stronger and better than ever. Before that, in the weeks leading up to your birth, you rummaged around inside of me enduring the brunt force of Hurricane Harvey. You, me, your dad, and grandparents watched nervously as the retention pond behind our house rose and fell; all of Houston around us was underwater and we were lucky to not get any flooding by our house. Then you were here, and our year took off; you were moving and grooving and because of you, the Houston Astros won the World Series! Shortly after you turned one and we noticed little things, you weren’t grasping the concept of crawling quite well, you weren’t hitting milestones, and grandma even thought you were deaf (silly grandma!). We checked your hearing, you definitely could hear me, and when you turned eighteen months your doctor decided to suggest we get you into speech and physical therapy. You just weren’t feeling walking and talking yet. But, then life hit your mom and dad hard, we decided to move and start a new journey in another city. We left our house and memories and said: “thank you house for what you provided us.” That was a bittersweet day. When we arrived in Corpus Christi, it was amazing! Beautiful beaches, nice people, and family and friends close by—Heaven! By now it was apparent the move might have slowed you down a little bit more, so we went full steam into more therapy. When you were two years old you finally took your first step. Shortly after you were introduced to a whole new concept: Mother’s Day Out. You hated it lol. But, eventually, you got used to it as those two days a week brought you closer to becoming more engaged with people. You aren’t talking fully yet, but I know you are close to it.
That seems like a whole lifetime ago even though it’s only been a few months of social isolation. Now, you are adapting to yet another new normal. No more MDO, no more seeing grandma and grandpa, aunts, uncles, cousins, no more visits from friends, no more trips to Houston, no more babysitters, no more in-home therapy—just you, me, and dad. I can tell it’s making you crazy even though you can’t say it. You have screaming fits more than normal, you HATE leaving outside, but generally, I think you are happy just confused. I hope you can adapt to this new normal well, and I hope that you can accept it, although I know it’s really difficult for you. One day we will look back and say what a crazy time for us, how much changed in so little time, but it’s okay because we will always have each other.
Write your child a love letter during this time, you never know when they will read it. Thinking of all you parents out there. Stay safe!
