Mom is the loneliest number

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If you’ve ever joined an internet moms group you will quickly discover that mothers are a lonely group of people.

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, the ability to make friends easily vanishes. It starts when we get pregnant. I think that it’s because pregnancy itself can feel like such an isolating time.  I was looking back at an old blog post that I wrote when I was 6 months pregnant with my daughter and it was titled-Pregnancy is Social Suicide. I mean, enough said.

Then your kids are small and really need you. When my kids were really small,  I felt guilty leaving them home alone with Chris. My husband is a very capable man, and probably more of a momma hen than I am, but the nagging feeling was always there. As someone who spent 40 hours at work, a woman should want to spend all of her free time wanting to cuddle her precious babies. I mean, what sort of mother wouldn’t want that? Once I was out, the guilt would start to fade. Getting me out the door was the real problem.

Then, I began to realize that my kids were the ultimate card to play when I just didn’t want to be bothered to maintain any social obligations. The Thursday night text would come- Hey did you still want to try that new wine bar after work tomorrow?

The feeling of dread that followed.

Quick text response back- OMG girl, T has a stomach ache and I’m worried she’s getting sick. I think that I’m just going to hang out around here and keep an eye on her.

When we really want to say is – Girl you’re crazy. I was a different person when we talked on Tuesday. My bed and my book are calling me. Maybe next time.

 Come on, admit it, we’ve all done it. No wonder we crave friends-we are so bad at it!

Then, the next thing you know the invitations stop coming and the feeling of isolation sets in. We want someone to cackle with when we realize that we’ve worn two different tennis shoes to the gym or a shoulder to lean on when we need to take a breath.We yearn for these connections but they don’t exist. Friendships need to be nourished and they are a vital part of a vibrant and happy life. The problem is that we feed ourselves, and each other, a million reasons of why and how our children and homes need us more than any social life. We tell each other that our place is at home, never mind that our hearts and spirits are craving connections with other women who get it.

The only way to make it better is to do something about it.

The next time you see a moms group, or any other group of women hosting a gathering, I encourage you to go.

Don’t just say that you are going to show up and then flake at the last second. Make a promise to yourself to brush your hair, put on a cute outfit, and show up- even it you have to go by yourself. Yes, you are going to feel a little weird and awkward, but you will survive. You may even have to dust off some of those rusty conversation skills. If you have a laugh and a decent conversation or two, consider it a success.  Hype yourself up the way that you would one of your kids. Who knows, you may even meet someone who is the same flavor of weird as you are.  You won’t know whether you like it until you try it, but the most important part is to get out there. If we happen to be at the same place, you can always sit with me.