How Watching Cooking Shows Has Helped me Heal My Relationship with Food
Several months ago I opened up in a very vulnerable article about my relationship with my body, and my struggles with disordered eating and abandoning diet culture. In the last 3 years my relationship has improved immensely with my body. I feel stronger, and more at peace with who I am as a person more than ever before. I accept that this is a life long journey but I still really struggle with my relationship with food.
I struggle with the freedom to just “make dinner”….
I really struggle with knowing what to make for dinner. For years I “had” to plan meals and food that revolved around such specific guidelines that honestly preparing meals has lost all it’s appeal.
I really don’t enjoy cooking anymore, it still feels like a kitchen full of triggers. I stress about “healthy” vs. “unhealthy” foods, and then sometimes have inner battles over whether I “should” be eating certain things or not.
Until I watched The Pioneer Woman
One day I was watching the food network, and I happened to catch an episode of“The Pioneer Woman“. I watched Ree in her kitchen, effortlessly mixing, and talking, and laughing with her kids, and finding so much JOY in not only cooking, but also sampling and eating food. And I know that she is on TV, and much of what she says may be scripted, but she just seemed so “real”, and happy. And I thought, “I want to be that happy around food”. I want food to make my family happy too. I want to make “real” food.
So I kept watching.
And as I watched I felt inspired again. Food felt exciting. I started with her recipes. Recipes that used real ingredients, with real flavors, and it was so healing. It opened up a part of me that had closed off the joy that food can bring. And even though I still feel overwhelmed at times, it isn’t so hard.
And as with many things on this healing journey, once I learned to listen to my body again I relearned flavors that I had forgotten, or tried new flavor profiles that made my heart sing a little bit. And I am learning how to smile in the kitchen again.
